Kids, Emotions & Essential Oils
Helping Kids Self-Regulate with Essential Oils
I was recently asked “What age or stage of childhood is your favorite?” I didn’t really have an answer, they all have things I love about them, and things that are, shall I say, challenging about them. One of the biggest challenges, at least for me, of all age groups, is helping my kids learn how to manage their emotions. Kids have different abilities to self-regulate at different ages. I quickly learned I needed to use different strategies at different ages. But I also learned that essential oils are effective at any age and stage in helping kids manage their emotions!
When they’re really little it’s usually straightforward. Their emotions are directly attached to a need. My strategy was simple: meet the need, keep her stable. She’s angry or upset because she’s hungry. Feed her and she’s not angry or upset anymore. Of course, when she’s overtired and can’t fall asleep, meeting that need is much harder. I tried all kinds of things before I started using essential oils. Some were effective, some not-so-much. But when I started using a diffuser in my little’s room every night, it helped them relax, but it also kept me calm which is one of the best strategies for helping kids manage their emotions according to the American Psychological Association (see references below).
Strategies
The American Psychological Association recommends 11 different strategies to use to help teach your kids to manage their emotions:
- Start Early
- Connect
- Talk and Teach
- Model Good Behavior
- Stay Calm
- Plan Options
- Act it Out
- Punish Less, Praise More
- Be A Team
- Check your Expectations
- Take the Long View
I certainly tried several of these strategies for many years with what seemed to be minimal success. But when I started using essential oils with certain strategies, I felt much more confident, and my kids did too.
The Melt-Down!
I remember a time when one of my teenagers was about 3 years old and she was having a meltdown like never before. I had been trying to stay calm (#5), trying to talk her down(#3), I had modeled breathing techniques (#4) and made sure she knew I was going to work with her until she was settled (#9). Nothing worked.
We were both past the point when we remembered why this meltdown began and I was about to lose it! Out of desperation I grabbed my Tranquil roll-on and applied it to the back of my neck and on my wrists and I took a few deep breaths. I felt better and more patient immediately. I hadn’t been thinking about what effect that might have on her. But she went from scream-crying, to sniffles and then calm within a minute.
I was amazed! I had used the essential oils for myself, and all it took to help my three-year-old was for her to smell them on me. Was it really just her inhaling the oils or was she already at the end of her meltdown and it seemed to be the oils? I had to know if essential oils really could help my kids manage their emotions.
How do oils work?
We know from experience and scientific studies that certain aromas can evoke strong emotional responses, as well as support learning and memory. This is because the olfactory system (the sense of smell) and the limbic system of the brain (the part that controls emotions and memory) are directly connected. The “message” of smell does not have to pass through the thalamus and to the cortex of the brain, but rather the “message” is sent directly to the limbic part of the brain. This makes essential oils extremely effective as an aromatherapy technique.
Which Essential Oils Help Kids with their Emotions?
Listed in order of the ones I use the most in my home and how I use them. All of the oils with a ( * ) are one of my 12 Must-Have Essential Oils for Beginners.
*Lavender ~ is a calming, relaxing and balancing scent. Multiple studies have shown that lavender can help with sadness, focus and stress. Lavender is one of the main essential oils in my night-time diffuser recipes, in bath salts and in the body lotion we use before bed.
Favorite Single Essential Oils
*Frankincense ~ used in religious and healing practices for thousands of years, Frankincense is my go-to when the kids are ultra unruly, anxious, or down about something. I use it in multiple home-made roll-ons for stress, happiness and focus. I also will apply a drop to my kids’ heads before they start or head off to school in the mornings.
*Lemon ~ is a bright, uplifting and invigorating aroma. Studies show that lemon can promote relaxation, focus and even reduce feelings of sadness. I have the kids inhale this on it’s own when they need an afternoon boost and it’s in one of my family’s favorite roll-ons that my kids (and I) carry around with us everywhere we go!
*Peppermint ~ with a scent that instantly reminds of a favorite holiday candy, peppermint is uplifting, awakening and focusing. I get peppermint out when the kids had a late night and their alarms aren’t working in the morning and when they need some extra help staying on-task. It’s also another staple oil in our favorite home-made roll-on.
More Single Essential Oils
Cedarwood ~ With a grounding, woodsy aroma cedarwood is recognized for its calming and clarifying properties. It helps improve focus and attention, which is super important for my school-aged children. I use this in my school time and bedtime diffuser blends, which seems counterintuitive, I know! It’s one of my favorite essential oils to use in a focus roll-on for my kids who go to school now.
Orange ~ Is a clean, fresh, obviously citrus scent. Who doesn’t love being transported someplace tropical with one whiff? I get this oil out when my teens are brooding, stressing or feeling “blah” with that I-don’t-know and I-don’t-care attitude. It’s also one of my favorite oils to use in my diffusers around the holidays.
Bergamot ~ Another bright, citrus scent, bergamot is one of my favorites to grab when the kids need a boost at the end of a long day. It’s great when the kids are down about something or when they’re worried about a peer at school or an assignment that’s due. I love to put bergamot in the diffuser for a festive, happy vibe.
Northern Lights Black Spruce ~ Walking through the woods on a snowy evening….Do you know that poem by Robert Frost? It’s one I read to my kids every winter – it evokes images of peace, clarity and calm. Just like the clean, woodsy scent of Northern Lights Black Spruce! It’s one of my go-to oils to put in the diffuser or apply to the top of my teen’s head when she’s having trouble writing a paper or she’s feeling lonely.
Essential Oil Blends
The last four essential oils I use to help my kids manage their emotions are proprietary blends put out by Young Living.
Tranquil ~ Composed of Lavendar, Cedarwood and Roman Chamomile essential oils, in a convenient roll-on bottle, this blend does just what the name implies. I keep it in my go-bag for those dreaded toddler tantrums in the grocery store, or to help with pre-school meltdowns. I even “Tranquil-ize” my toddlers every night before bed!
*Valor ~ Is a uniquely formulated blend to instill courage, confidence and promote positive self-esteem. I don’t know about you, but I think kids of all ages could use more courage, confidence and self-esteem! I love this blend for tear-free trips to the dentist, first weeks at new schools and for any situation that seems too difficult.
*Peace & Calming ~ Made with tangerine, orange, ylang-ylang, patchouli and blue tansy this blend is both relaxing and uplifting. It’s a family favorite in bedtime diffusers and to put on little (and big feet) when they’re particularly unruly!
*Stress Away ~ I’ve said it many times “I think all moms need a vat of this blend!” Of course, it’s not just for moms. This blend helps calm the brains of little “bedtime philosophers,” and relax a middle-schooler after a particularly challenging day. It comes in both a roll-on bottle for on-the-go application and in a regular bottle. It’s another favorite oil to grab for our bedtime diffusers!
Resources Used:
1. https://www.apa.org/topics/parenting/emotion-regulation
2. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4330889/
3. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8125361/
4. The Essential Oils Pocket Reference
5. Oil & Glass
6. Releasing Emotional Patterns with Essential Oils
For more great resources check out Top Books for your Natural Living Library.
