Drive of Shame: A Military Checkpoint Experience
There was a time, not too long ago, when I would have cried about the following situation, rather than spin a fairy tale and laugh about it. For many years I struggled with anxiety and depression. Then, of course, there’s the the daily stress of being a mother. Any addition to the stress I already carried would have made it impossible for me to continue on with my day, let alone write a story that would entertain people. I am so grateful that little changes like eating cleaner and using essential oils, lead to a healthier, happier me. Now let me share with you a recent experience that I think all military spouses can relate to.
The Tale of my “Drive of Shame”
First, a bit of context for my non-military readers: You have to pass through a gate to get on a military post. Typically, you show your military ID and the security guard scans it. The system verifies you have the privileges needed to enter post. Then the guard says, “have a nice day!” And you’re on your way!
This morning was no typical morning. My vehicle was selected for a random inspection. Dun, dun, dun!
Documents Please
Thankfully on this rare occasion I did not have any kids in the massive, very recognizable, van I drive. I thought, “No big deal, just a little inconvenient!” I was already running a few minutes behind for a meeting but, my thoughts continued, “I’ll present my license, registration and insurance. They’ll check that I have no unauthorized passengers or cargo, and I’ll be on my way!”
This was not to be. At this point I noticed the gate guard, who had selected me for the random inspection, looking quite satisfied with himself. It seems this homeschool mom of seven had been caught! But for what?
Detained
Another gate guard detains me and calls the MPs (military police.) After a few heart-pounding minutes, a police man comes and questions me. At which point, thankfully, the husband pulls up behind me and I think, “My knight in camo armor has come to rescue me!”
But alas, my knight failed me…Apparently when he went into the DMV this Summer to re-register my van, for which he was given a registration certificate, the DMV never actually processed the registration. The certificate did not have an expiration date, nor were we given the plate stickers. Should we have noticed this as unusual? Probably, but we’ll just chalk this up to lack of sleep and twin parent brain…. Trust me and this NIH Article, it’s a thing!
Mercifully, the MP lets me off with a verbal warning (instead of issuing a ticket for the expired registration.) BUT I am not permitted to enter the military post. Hence, a military experience I hoped would never be my fate; what I call:
“The Drive of Shame”
I am escorted, escorted – it sounds so cordial and dignified, doesn’t it? – It doesn’t feel that way, I assure you! I am escorted by a security guard from the lane where I was detained, across the lines of traffic entering – my brain laments at my misfortune, “Oh, what privileged, happy people you are entering the post this morning!” Then my vehicle is carefully watched, until I turn onto the exit lane and drive away from post.
No meeting, no “have a good day!” Just the self-satisfied on-lookers thinking, “I’m glad I’m not THAT person!” And a stern warning that if I am to try to get on-post with my unregistered vehicle again, I would get a ticket and be subjected to another drive of shame!
Respect
Please note: I have the utmost respect for our gate guards and the MPs. They all did their jobs professionally and well. Unbeknownst to me, I was driving illegally, and I should not have been allowed on post; for the last several months it would seem! That’s one of the things these random inspections are designed to catch. The guard who selected me had every right to feel accomplished at his work today!
My Hero
Lest you be concerned, my knight in camo armor is once again my hero and was able to get me legal again during his lunch break! And there you have it, dear reader: The Tale of My Drive of Shame, a military spouse experience I hope you are all spared!
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